Is it possible to want something or someone without placing the constricting bands of attachment on them and yourself? How can we hold loosely? As I have gotten older I have found that I want to be held loosely. I no longer crave the crushing grip of a tight hold. It doesn’t serve me anymore and I mean that in a physical and emotional sense. If it’s to tight I will pull away instead of leaning in.
Does it mean it’s not love if you can look at the other person and say I will not allow attachment to govern my decisions so if you don’t choose me I will still be ok. I feel like this makes the other person automatically think that you “don’t care enough”. How can you not be hurt if I am not in your life? “My life would be over if you were not in it” they will say.
I find that so unappealing. Your life will be over? Really? I am the only good thing in your life? You have nothing else?
Maybe it isn’t love or maybe its just a more mature kind of love. Maybe I have not met the person that makes me feel as if my life would be over without them. Honestly though I dont want that. I love my life. It is full and I am growing everyday. I dont ever want anyone to have the power to come in and destroy all of that in one fell swoop. I understand pain and hurt from the loss of a love but I dont understand total destruction.
I refuse to make someone my whole universe and I don’t want to be theirs. I want a partner that has a beautiful full life that has nothing to do with me. I want to know that they know how to be happy without me. I want them to love that same thing about me.